Apologies in advance, lovelies.
9 out of 10 of my videos make sense….this is not one those 9.
It’s clearly a subject I’m having trouble articulating, which for me is incredibly frustrating.
But I tried.
I guess it can be summed up as technician versus creator, or the war of our two brains. It’s perhaps another facet of that whole “doubt as distraction” argument, and it has to do with getting in our own way, but beyond that, I’m struggling to form clean, cohesive thoughts.
Victoria (V.E.) Schwab 
As a student and as a daughter, I also believe it takes both sides–technician and creative–in order to function and not disappoint. At the same time, there are also as you mentioned, always at war with each other. I’m also neurotic in the sense that I freak out when I feel like I’m not doing enough, but how can I when the constant conflict slows me down more than it motivates me? ;p
I think that it’s good to have that internal pressure. I also have that anxious feeling when the artistic/creative side of myself wants to watch paint dry and imagine something unreal. I also feel that flash of “oh, man I could be doing this and this and this and this and this . . .” ad infinitum.
But the two sides of myself, technician and artist, each have their role to play. They banter to one another but they ultimately work hand in hand. It is interesting how we keep them each in their place without letting one or the other rule the whole.
Naw, it makes sense! I get what you’re saying, and I agree.
I get that feeling of not doing enough very often, and it drives me insane! But I do think that the drive to be accomplishing things is a good one–it’s helped me do things that I’d otherwise not have done. It is good to dream, too, though. Argh, I can see how you were getting flustered with this!
And yes, Honey Nut Cheerios are amazing (and evil). I used to down three bowls a morning (somehow I kicked the habit).
I totally understand how you feel. I have the same internal battle everyday. I ‘m good at a lot of things, (modesty being one; but I digress) and most of those things are of the creative variety. What seems to get me every time is trying to balance my everyday life; work, wife, children, bills etc; with what I want to accomplish creatively. Every time I go to do something creative, I feel guilty that I’m leaving something important undone. Then when I’m doing the practical stuff, I feel bad that I’m not expressing myself creatively. The difference, I think, between you and me is you manage to get things done. I never seem to finish anything to my personal satisfaction. So believe me, I understand. I am still striving for that balance.
[…] have also been swirling around on this topic after watching Victoria Schwabe’s wonderful vlog musing on her need to work CONSTANTLY and EFFICIENTLY as a writer and a business […]