Right now, my mind is a cloud of colored glass. My thoughts and wants and wishes all hang by strings and when I look up, they seem like simple, fragile things.
Right now, my sanity is a stripe on a swimming pool floor. And I feel mad for the number of laps I’ve done, whispering over and over to the world beneath the water about my hopes and fears.
Right now, I am wearing a locket with the word “Breathe” scribbled on an edge of notebook paper tucked within.
I’ve been stressed lately, and I still am stressed. If you follow me at all online, it’s impossible not to notice. But also know that I never forget how lucky I am to be where I am. And stress is okay. Worry is okay. For me it goes hand in hand with taking chances. I don’t think I trust people who never fear, and I trust them just as little when they do fear and manage to hide behind perfect calm.
I don’t hide my stress. I won’t. It’s as much a part of my journey as my joy. But the fact is this. My life is blessed. No matter what weight you give that word, it’s true. And much as I joke of want and stress, I am watching my dreams come true. It’s a funny thing that dreams are so rarely as simple or as carefree or as blissful as they seem when we are dreaming them. Every win comes with a loss and some days it seems so black and white but it’s not. Not at all.
So I suppose this is to say, thank you. For putting up with the PONIES, and if you’re on Twitter, for the occasional WHY TIME MUST YOU MOVE AT YOUR ACCURSED RATE tweets, and the records of my escapism into TV series and varieties of tea.
This too shall pass. And until then, I shall wear my locket, and swim my laps, and stare up at the balls that hang from my ceiling.