So, I’m finally stepping up to the plate on my TSM revisions while I wait for feedback on NW. And let me tell you, this is a massacre.
I’m essentially erasing one character’s POV, pulling back on another, focusing on the third. Trying to ramp up the suspense. And in the first 100 pages, I’ve cut almost 50. I always get troubled when the pages I cut are nicely written, they just no longer fit the story, but alas.
I’ve taken to creatinG AN InDesign document for my outlines. It’s essentially a digital post-it note system. It worked with NW and so I’m hoping/praying it works with TSM. I’m telling you, after a certain number of re-writes, it gets confusing!
So, my teaser today is a little different. This is one of my favorite scenes, and it didn’t make the POV cut. Here you go:
“The table was cold and Emily was cold and the room was cold.
He stepped backwards out of the room. Everything was cold and empty and quiet. In fact, the room and the hall and the hospital were suddenly possessed of such heavy silence that Lucas thought he must be dreaming. His breath told him he wasn’t, the staggering pain in his chest as he tried to inhale, his lungs fighting the air they desperately needed. For a moment Lucas thought that maybe he was dying too, that this is what it felt like to have a heart fail. His sister was pale and still on a table. Cold. He felt cold, too, as though his own flesh was pressed against the metal of the autopsy shelf.
He took a step back, the blue paper gown they had made him wear clinging to him and stained with tears. Wet drops that traced an uneven pattern down his front. His arms felt empty. Lucas remembered lugging his books about for too long, and the way his arms felt when he finally set them all down. An eerie, tingling. Too light. Lucas took another step back. Too empty. He took another step back. His back met the wall.”
I’m going to try desperately to find a way to incorporate it through dialogue, perhaps as he’s conveying his story to my main character, but for now, chop slash chop, the pieces are on the floor.